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Roleplaying depends critically on good communication skills. Good grammar speeds up reading comprehension and eliminates ambiguity. In this article I will describe common writing errors and how to solve them. I will present actual examples from overheard roleplaying conversations and follow them with ideas on how to solve the illustrated problem.

Punctuation

The most offensive abuse by roleplayers is a complete lack of punctuation this makes it difficult to scan sentences figuring out what the writer means becomes very difficult you have to read and reread the words over and over again before you can figure out what is being said

Let me try again. The most offensive abuse by roleplayers is a complete lack of punctuation. This makes it difficult to scan sentences. Figuring out what the writer means becomes very difficult. You have to read and reread the words over and over again before you can figure out what is being said.

George grabs the immate from behind the neck saying i wasnt done you still have scum on you

With proper punctuation, it would be easier to discern where the action ends and where speech begins.

George grabs the immate from behind the neck, saying, "I wasn't done. You still have scum on you."

George smiles as he watches you standing there folding his arms "turn around so i can see if you are hiding anything i will be doing a more intencive exam if i am satisfied and you will adress me as sir from now on is that understood"

Again, a string of Anglish words can, with work, be deciphered, but with some road signs, become that much easier to traverse:

George smiles as he watches you standing there folding his arms. "Turn around so I can see if you are hiding anything. I will be doing a more intensive exam if i am not satisfied. You will address me as sir from now on. Is that understood?"

Every sentence gets a period. Period; end of sentence.

Commas are important. One in particular is being forgotten: the one that separates the sentence from the person it is directed to. For example,

It's time to barbecue boys and girls!

desperately needs a comma to prevent infanticide:

It's time to barbecue, boys and girls!

And these two sentences do not mean the same thing at all.

Don't catch a cold dragon.

Don't catch a cold, dragon.

How much have you told Timber?

How much have you told, Timber?

Finally, a word about Kirk's second in command.

Spock is not an elf dumbass.

Indeed, he's not a dumbass of any kind, but he is an elf. The writer meant,

Spock is not an elf, dumbass.

Person

First person, second person, third person: what do these mean? I am the first person, you are the second person, he is the third person.

When you start a message with /me, it substitutes your name for that term. So when I type, "/me is a grammarian.", it gets converted to "Timberwoof Lupindo is a grammarian." Keep this in mind as you refer to yourself in the rest of your message.

A common error is to mistake first and second person—referring to yourself by name and with "I".

Marvin takes a deep breath as i was shocked as my heart starts to beat weakily as i started to brethed again weakly as blood ram down my maw as it was leaking out

The sentence begins in the third person, but shifts to the first. That is, it starts out as a sentence where the speaker describes someone else (Marvin) doing the action and ends up as a sentence where the speaker (I) is doing the action. Also fixing the endless "as" phrases, Marvin could have written

Marvin takes a deep breath as he was shocked. His heart starts to beat weakly and blood runs down his maw and throat.

Be careful not to use pronouns ambiguously.

George steps close to the inmate as he grabs his arm and twists it behind his back and forces him against the wall holding him there as his paw removes the knife.."see now i make you show what your hideing.. lets find out what else you got" useing his free paw he checks for other hidden weapons.

Whom does "he" refer to? In this example, to both the inmate and to the guard.

George steps close to the inmate as he grabs his arm and twists it behind his back and forces him against the wall holding him there as his paw removes the knife.."see now i make you show what your hideing.. lets find out what else you got" useing his free paw he checks for other hidden weapons.

We will return to this example later for the solution. It is also common to confuse second and third person—referring to the other player as "you" and "he". When you start a message with /me, always refer to yourself as he or him.

Sequence

The construction "I do this as I do that" implies that I'm doing both things at the same time. In reality you can do only so many things at once. A problem I frequently see is roleplayers stringing together endless sequences of actions, joining them with the word as.

George steps close to the inmate as he grabs his arm and twists it behind his back and forces him against the wall holding him there as his paw removes the knife.."see now i make you show what your hideing.. lets find out what else you got" useing his free paw he checks for other hidden weapons.

We can solve the earlier problem of ambiguous pronouns and endless simultaneous events with some lists.

George steps close to the inmate, grabs his arm, twists it behind his back, and forces him against the wall. George holds him there with one paw as he removes the knife with the other. "See now. I make you show what you're hiding. Let's find out what else you've got." George checks him for other hidden weapons.

It's okay to repeat "George" as the anchor for the sentences. This makes it clear who is doing what.

Here's an example of endless simultaneous events getting out of hand.

as i start to scrub anto the imate as i hold him down and against the wall scrubing him hard and ruff head to toe as i grab a bar of soap and start scrubing it into the immate as the soap became bloody as i moved ur head to see the look in ur eyes as i mur watching you suffer

This sample contains ten simultaneous events:

1. as i start to scrub anto the imate
2. as i hold him down and against the wall
3. scrubing him hard and ruff head to toe
4. as i grab a bar of soap
5. and start scrubing it into the immate
6. as the soap became bloody
7. as i moved ur head
8. to see the look in ur eyes
9. as i mur
10. watching you suffer

With a bit of editing and some punctuation, this could become chilling, sadistic prose:

I grab a bar of soap and hold you against the wall. I scrub you hard and rough, head to toe. As the soap becomes bloody I see the look in your eyes. Watching you suffer, I murr.

"Time exists so that everything doesn't happen at once." Establish a clear sequence of events.

Tense

This does not refer to tension as in what everybody feels when a furry drama vortex begins to spin up, but to whether the action being described happened in the past, is happening in the present, will happen in the future, or would happen in the subjunctive.

The common practice of endless "as" phrases causes many writers to blur the distinction between present and past tense. Science fiction novels are usually written in past tense. However, as roleplaying events occur in the here-and-now, it's probably best to write in the present tense.

Marvin takes a deep breath as he was shocked as his heart starts to beat weakily as he started to brethed again weakly as blood ram down his maw as it was leaking out

This example switches back and forth between past and present. Timberwoof fixes the grammar into the present tense, removes some redundancy, and comes up with…

Marvin takes a deep breath as he is shocked. His heart starts to beat weakly and blood runs down his maw.

Run-On Sentences

Even if you avoid all the problems listed above, you can still get yourself into trouble.

Timberwoof Lupindo growls from the depths of his phlegm-encrusted throat a ferocious roar, followed by a bit of a gargle and a heroic "ptui!" as he launches a sticky, vile, yellow gob of gooey goo that sails through the air and lands at the guard's feet with an ominous splat, splashing the guard's claws with yellow phlegm and brings a look of disgust to his angry furry features while grimacing in distaste and disgust at the guard.

Now that's a made-up example, but it is not far from what I've seen in actual roleplay.

George grab you wth his right arm twisting it right behind your back painfully as e slams you into the wall getting water on his uniform as he shakes it off a little grabbing the soap of the floor and rubbing it forcefully into your fine fur making sure you are completly lathered before he grabs the brush gripping it hard into your fur as he rubs it deep making sure it hurts but not hard enouth to brae the skin

Where to begin? Lots of simultaneous events need to be broken up into a sequence.

George grabs you with his right arm, twisting it behind your back painfully. He slams you into the wall. Having got water on his uniform, he shakes it off a little and grabs the soap off the floor. He rubs it forcefully into your fine fur and makes sure you are completely lathered. He grabs the brush and rubs it deep. He presses just hard enough to sure it hurts but not hard enough to break the skin.

Here's another example.

George growls loudly as you kick his crotch plate he feels it but is not effected as you would think as his claws dig into your back makeing bloody wounds now as he rips the locked(knoted) probe from your tailhole as his clawed paw squeezes your sheath and sac before he steps back now grabing your tail with one paw the other grabs your neck

Overdoing It

Timberwoof Lupindo takes a sip from his tea and looks around, tilting an eyebrow in disdain at what he considers overdone ropleplaying style, resuming his glowering countenance and scheming ways to continue making a farce by overburdening his self-description with superfluous adjectives and run-on sentences as he furtively glances about at the other roleplayers, drinking his coffee and mulling the finer points of grammar as he does so.

Yes, another made-up example. Watch this space for real howlers.

Poetry

Let me return to an earlier example.

as i start to scrub anto the imate as i hold him down and against the wall scrubing him hard and ruff head to toe as i grab a bar of soap and start scrubing it into the immate as the soap became bloody as i moved ur head to see the look in ur eyes as i mur watching you suffer

As many structural problems as it illustrates, it contains a chilling poetic seed. How to free that nugget? Without sacrificing punctuation, scrap the unnecessary words. Pare it down to the essentials. Practice poetry but forget rhyme and meter: focus on setting, mood, images, and emotions. I believe that Haiku is the best form to practice.

Pressed against the wall,
you shiver in cold water;
roughly I scrub you.

Soapy and stinging,
your blood runs into the drain.
You suffer; I murr.

/me shudders.